We can genuinely believe we are searching deeply for God and our true selves, while the very mechanisms of that search give our egos another place to flourish.
We can become identified with being spiritual.
We can confuse surrender with a lack of courage to stand up for what is right. We can mistake obedience to a leader for avoiding responsibility for ourselves. We can even tell ourselves that when we are closer to God, we will finally be better able to love others.
I think about my own experience of the evangelical world, from around 18 to 40. I saw—and experienced—many people hiding in churches.
Church could become an escape from a crazy world. It offered belonging, meaning, purpose and love.
But how real and honest were we?
Was church like an AA meeting, where we could be completely honest about our failures, selfishness and pain? I'm afraid it often wasn't.
I saw the same protection of reputation, the same cliques and inner circles, and the same hidden pain that existed outside the church. And I did the same.
If church is a hospital, why isn't it safe to bleed?
Perhaps the spiritual journey is ultimately about allowing our real selves to meet the real God. That means being seen in love, even in the places where we are afraid to look at ourselves.
We need people who love us enough to show us where we need to grow, where we are fooling ourselves, and where our spirituality has become another form of hiding from reality and our hurt.
That's big love.
Yes, we need encouragement, fellowship, worship and teaching. But without a commitment to radical honesty and a willingness to be truly known, these good things can become the walnut dashboard and leather seats of a car with no engine.
They can make the journey look beautiful.
But they won't take us anywhere.
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